Mysteries Uncovered: Why Bikinis Make Us Happier and Healthier

It's a commonly known fact that Vitamin D is sourced from the sun. It is also commonly known that when the sun is out, the buns too must also be out (#sunsoutbunsout). The Bikini Empire investigative team dove deep into the archives of humanity to explain this well known modern practice. 

Since the earliest days of civilization, women have worn a small amount of clothing. The Ivory Venus, humanity’s earliest depiction of a woman found in Germany from over 35,000 years ago, is a super curvy babe with no clothes on at all. In fact, the ivory sculpture implies that the civilizations of that time had a mind much like ours today, a very important discovery. This suggests that being in little to no clothing at all is a natural way to be in human society. 

We can see evidence of near-nakedness being a perfectly harmless norm when we study living tribal cultures that still exist and practice their ancient traditions today. Just as ancient and traditional medicine, spirituality, and sustainability are being tapped into and replicated in our modern society, so too must we copy and change the way we clad ourselves; aye it must be scantily.

In order for our bodies to fully absorb the Vitamin D we need, our body’s largest organ, our skin, must spend time out in the sun. Let us not waste a single drop of sunshine on sleeves and collars and belts with metal pieces. Let us instead, wear extremely breathable luxury fabric that hugs and accentuates our curves and covers only the necessary so as not to be fined by local law enforcement. 

Let us feel as close to our most natural state as possible, let us be stylish and sultry in ethically made pieces of art! Let us be under the sun, happy, healthy, and almost naked in a bikini!